25 Jan 2012

To say or not to say

Post by santhi

[image align=”right” img =”http://poeticfeast.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/TO-SAY.jpg”  alt=”TO SAY” /]
At last I was whispering  ” you know how much I Love you, if only you hear the voice  of my heart” .She turned and asked , ”  Vasanth, what was that,…come again ” but I was speechless…. She was giving the wedding card to all her friends, and gasping in between to answer their naughty queries. This is the last chance for me, to reveal, to bring her to my world, but I am standing here dumb as if resigning myself to the inevitable.


The day I met her is fresh   in my memory. It was our first day in the college; all were busy with the routine hand shakes and introductions.  I found her standing there alone, leaning on the wall. With sheer curiosity I approached her “Hai, I am Vasanth, why not in the crowd”. For the first time I saw the instant blush of a girl, and in no time she was flying away. I could not, but frown at her immature gesture.


The days were dancing away, as all of us had become close enough to hear and share.  She was also there in the class. It was on one Friday , I think, I was reading some interesting stuff , so didn’t notice her standing so near to me, “hello , I am Kavitha and  sorry the other day I behave  like that “,  I was really excited and for sometimes we were talking  this and that. I don’t know why, but I was having a new sensation. Then she waved at me and went away with her friends.


As days slipped through we became very good friends, she me and her friend Neena. For anything and everything she used to turn to me, no wonder I started to have fancied dreams, her presence was always felt with that cherubic smile, bubbling with innocence. She was never stingy in smiles, and that was her specialty too. Never had I missed a chance to be with her, to talk with her, to watch her eyes. To be frank she was not at all a ravishing beauty, but she was like breeze tender and soft always boiling with passion and full of life .Every time I heard her voice my heart used to race, an unusual stirring inside. I know it is too early to assume anything; even then I was under real rapture. Yes, It was sure this is nothing but the mystery and wonder of being in love. Always I hankered for her presence, as there is no part in a man, which won’t get pleasure from the woman he wants to be with. Many times I strengthened myself to tell her the tale of my heart, but the thought that she may reject and may lose her for ever, forced me to repress.


It was two years course, and almost 18 months flashed away. I was always confounded, how to pour out my soul. No more I can bear this stinging pain of uncertainty, as there in her eyes I could not read anything…so concealed! Wednesday was always a good day for me, I equipped myself with words and thoughts, no more fluttering, to say or not to say. I found   her sitting there alone, in the lawn as Neena was on leave. She saw me from far, and waved at me….”Vasnath I want to talk to you.” ho what a good start, I was beaming with confidence. She was very casual with no tension, that made me suspect, what she is going to say…if only she made it all easy for me, I wished.. I could hear her “See Vasu, be frank with me, U like love marriage or arranged one? Thank God she is coming to the same point…” Of course love marriage”, I was ready with answer, you know Kavee , one birth is not enough to go through this magic of love, have u ever been in love dear” I managed to say that.. But she was there with her usual smile…as if she hadn’t heard me at all , continued with her talk ,’ hey, there is an engagement ceremony  at our home, only very few I have told, so I wish u should come for that, okay, and keep it a secret ” . I was confused, in haste I grabbed her hand, and was rather pleading, “why in such a hurry Kavi, u never told me,” Before I could say anything more she freed herself from my grip and joined a group of girls who passed by But I could detect some strange range of emotions on her face, may be an illusion .I was totally wrecked. .as I got my entire within shattered at the thought that, she is going to marry, someone else

The days went by panting and sighing, as she didn’t show up for almost one week. And the next time when I met her .she was there with that wedding card….I was not hearing what she was saying to her friends. With the card in my hand, was dragging myself away from that crowd, to be alone, cursing myself. How long I was sitting there I don’t know, then could feel a soothing hand on my shoulder, slowly look up “Hey anything wrong Vasu, so sad and sobbing” …she with all her grace… no more I can control…, with all my love I  gulped her into my hold,…” Why  Kavee,  You know , you are my life and how can u leave me, why…why  in such a hurry to marry, don’t  you feel my love dear ..I was rather melting, and I waited her to make her move…no more I could speak .there was pregnant silence for sometime….


As if in a dream I could feel her arms round me, so tight   “Stupid, what are you blabbering, first you open the card and see, it is my brother’s invitation ….” I cannot blink back my tears, it was flooding down my cheeks, and rest of her words flowed like honey into my heart.  “You see Vasu, I wish it was our wedding card, we together inviting all, You and me, let us live that dream…”Her words were ringing with an irresistible appeal.  It was tacit that, she couldn’t even weep. I felt that her love for me struck deeper than tears could have eased.  For how long we stood like that, I don’t know. She woke me up with a tender kiss, then once again she was moving away from me, .but this time leaving her heart with me, to love, to nourish, life long. I felt I am the happiest   man, with my fond wish to walk hand in hand with her, through the thick and thin forever.






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